Greetings - my first blog

Hello to anyone this blog attracts. Like many of you, I am not sure why I am blogging, but I seem called; whatever that means. As my title suggests, I Just do not Know !!! I do know factual details - I would consider myself the typical ...'master of none' type of person. For 20 years, I have been on a spiritual search ( my exhaustive reading list will probably come out eventually )and find myself still, JUST NOT KNOWING??? I have many, perhaps thousands, of concepts in my head but seem unable to translate those into experience. Perhaps it is the buzz of all of these concepts that keeps me from knowing them. To many????

I would like to begin sharing these thoughts. Will they just float into nothingness or will they become more meaningful to me ? IJDNK ( i just do not know ) Soooooooooo - my question today is this: If the I AM that I AM is the field of consciousness that holds my body and form, is there really any limitation placed on the form by the I AM? You know, truthfull, I do not even know what that means. I feel limited and I guess, I am asking, hoping, praying, all of these, that I can find a way to understand how to ....... what? be free? A little history.

I began my internal search to find myself. Corny, I know, but true. I had been for all my years what I call a reactive person. As a result, I had great capacity to know what 'you' wanted but no capacity to know what I wanted. My first desire was to know what I wanted - what do I like? Interestingly enough, with that question came my first exposure to spiritual thought. I was drawn to A COURSE IN MIRACLES. And I mean drawn to this book. It was almost like I could not NOT read it. And, in my first 200 readings of this material, I had no idea, WHAT SO EVER, OF WHAT IT WAS SAYING!!! I had no personal point of reference for this - no background of spiritual thought ( right or wrong ) or no religous thought - no idea what I thought about God - if there was one or if 'he' was nice or mean. But, I knew, without a doubt, that this was something that I craved. Yes, it was a craving of some part of me that I cannot explain. But, the desire to know this aspect of me has been so strong that my search became the "what I like" answer.

Truly, I have been all over the place with this search. My goal has been to manifest a cookie right out of thin air !!!! Then, of course, when I do not produce said cookie, I begin to question everything I have ever tried to learn and find myself right back at I JUST DO NOT KNOW !!!

A lot of my searching has been to try and find abundance ( really money ) doing something that makes me happy. My professional history is in sales - which I hate - but am so good at BECAUSE I have spent my life learning how to know what 'you' want. Now, I refuse to tick off my minutes doing what I hate and, as a result, find myself happy but without money. Before, I was unhappy but had money. This is the basis for the above question. IJDNK what I would enjoy doing because I look for "means of employment" - you know, to pay the bills. Maybe, I have been attracted to this blog because someone will write me back and tell me what that job of joy is.

I am excited to think that someone, other than myself, might be drawn to this writing. I will attempt to continue to post my questions of life. I would love to hear from you and to know what you know.
Thank you for visiting,
Lynn