Good morning God,
My thoughts over take me - ego. What I think actually causes what i experience. How very strange that we have forgotten this most central tool. In our sleep, we believe ourselves to be completely separate from the force that moves mountains; believing instead that an outside force makes the decisions of the world - to which, we can only respond!
So, what if we DO actually create our experiences first and then respond to them. Let me break this down. First, i project experience into the world for me TO experience. Then, i experience same. When i experience that which i have projected, i believe the experience to have been generated by some other. How is this even possible? How can i forget the projecting aspect of experience? As i experience moment by moment, how am i able to convince myself that i have no ownership in the creation/projection? What comes to mind immediately is that i often do not like or agree with what is before me. Actually, i never even stop to think if this is what I would choose in this moment because i do not understand my contribution. As i sleep, i do not believe that my evaluation would cause anything to be different - that experiences are just happening and my only power is how to respond to them. What feels strange about this is that i am awakening to the possibility that no ONE else causes my experiences but i seem stuck with old thoughts. Almost like I cannot break through the veil of sleep. I observe myself ( thoughts ) all over the place - this one contradicting that one. For example, i have wanted to win a lottery BUT i have not wanted to be known to have won. i have really wanted something else than a win but do not know what that is. The only way i can describe this is that i desire choice. Having equated choice with money, i think i want money. i am completely sure that money by itself is not the desire. The desire is the freedom that i believe money IS.
In my limited awareness, i have not challenged my mind. i have not thought "outside the box". How can i have enough food, without working? How can i buy spring flowers, without money? How do i fuel the car, without money? You see, i have fallen victim to myself. i have believed what i have projected - so much so that i am lost. i no longer enjoy ego revenge and ravage nor do i enjoy or feel protected by hiding. I am what I AM. I no longer seek to be hidden among those who would destroy me as i project them as the cause for my insanity. Jesus teaches in ACIM that we see one another as the cause of who we are. Surely, i have blamed as many people as i can for who i have become. And who is that? That is one who is angry at the world at large and feels that "it" ( world) has done me wrong. Hidding under that is the ego anger that god made a fool of us all. I cannot believe this any longer. I know to much now to go back to sleep. THANK GOD. If life had been as i thought - well i do not want to go there.
I know that I can remember. What will that be? What will truth look like? What does LOVE feel like? I TRUST that Christ is in me. I TRUST that Jesus teaches us all. What shall happen NOW? I just do not know
Monday, April 21, 2008
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
AWAKEN WITHOUT DISAPPOINTMENT
Good morning,
It seems my last entry was 4-2-08. What have my days been like until this day 4-15-08? I just do not know. Some upset but not terrible; although today, the plumber is coming to rip up my kitchen floor, to access a leak!!! I seem OK with this just being "what it is". I finally realize that worry or fret will not, by itself, repair the leak. Some believe that upset, followed by a desired result, does INDEED contribute to success. What about an undesirable outcome? Perhaps, they are inclined to believe they did not worry ENOUGH. Either way, I do not choose to believe that worry and upset contribute in any way.
I am choosing to hold in consciousness that I AM the dreamer ( the chess player ) moving the body (pieces) around. What does that really mean to me? Sally Anne and I talked yesterday and I seem to be able to access that thought, soooooooo why can I not believe it? Do I believe this? It seems I AM just becoming this thought. Previously, like all egos, I believed that a separate God was the "MOVER" of all things ( forms). Is is TRUE that each of us is REALLY the chooser - mover - decider of what takes place in our perceived environment? There is so much evidence to this TRUTH. For almost 20 years, I have heard this over and over. Why then, do I not believe this or know it to be TRUE? Because, it is suggested, I believe the outer experience as truth. And, having held the thought that a separate god is the chooser, that is what I experience. But the outer experience SEEMS LIKE IT COMES AGAINST MY WILL. I say " I would have it different - I would choose a different outcome", so, it must be ANOTHER that decides. In FACT, we are the dreamers of our experience!!! But, because we do not remember this, we dream ( and therefore experience) that our dreams are powerLESS. This keeps us in the cycle of experiencing that which we believe has been decided by ANOTHER.
Tolle is helping US SEE that we are the body and the consciousness that moves the body. Until we remember this, we believe ourself to be only the body. We believe that the circumstances of the body life are decided upon by this ANOTHER and that the ONLY power we have is to use the body to react. My introduction to this TRUTH was, of course, A Course in Miracles, which teaches that the ego is a dreamed form and that MY TRUE identy is not the form but the dreamer. I have become lost in the dream and have lost my way. I believe that I am separate from the dreamer, which I have made into this ANOTHER - or God. Yes, there is ONE who makes the situations to which I must react, but i am certainly not that ONE. So, this ANOTHER, must be a separate entity who has a different idea of what makes me happy. Religion tells us that this ANOTHER judges us based upon our reaction and even tells us what are the 'right' or correct reaction to have. You must suffer to tell the ANOTHER you are remorseful - for what? - being born into sin?. You are to give all your 'stuff' away - not under the TRUTH that you have all and are bound to feel JOYFUL when you give, but under the guise that if you give away that which you need and want, somehow you will be perceived by the ANOTHER as worthy to be in heaven. Something about all this sacrifice and lack gets you a closer seat in heaven. Each religion tells you " the way" to get "it" right.
Fortunately, i have not had a close association to religion. I have really not had much conscious thought about what ' I ' believe is the "right way" to react. My reactions have been based upon my immediate circumstances - people. In fact, i have spent my NOW trying to figure out how to outsmart my immediate circumstances and people. What am i saying? My ego has tried to outfox your ego - or to present with such a picture that will please your ego. I have wanted love but have not projected being loved. I have projected circumstances that require me to beg, manipulate and lie, for love. What does this tell me? I have not believed that i am lovable - what is to love, i ask myself? Nothing, so i will make up something - someone that can be loved. What do you love? I will be that !!! I do not give love, i steal love from 'you'. Why?, because I am not loveable, AS IS, so i must fool you into loving me. I have been so mistaken. So very, very mistaken.
Something inside me knows that my ego way is not TRUTH. Gratefully, i see the folly of ego. Gratefully, i see the strangness in the belief that God ( ANOTHER ) would create and then wonder which of those created will follow the rules. Does HE not know which are created which way? Is there some unknown variable of creation, even to GOD. Does the Creator of creation have a challenge? Did HE put this challenge into the equation for fun? Would HE play with this challenge at our expense? Is LOVE really LOVE or is God all about just himself and to hell with the ones with whom HE plays? Does HE just want to end up with the "yes" men? If that were HIS objective then why not create ALL that way in the beginning? Or, if you believe HE just enjoys the game of watching, then fear is appropriate!!!!!!!
Ego, I know that these questions feel very threatening. If I do not continue to believe in you then your existence is not. But that is OK - do not be afraid. I will take along with ME the every part of you. I will take your fear, your heartache, your lack, your confusion, your mistakes, your revenge, your rage and your love and give you TRUST, EVERYTHING, CLARITY, FORGIVENESS, COMFORT, PEACE, and LOVE! So, little ego, you may have - really HAVE all that you have wanted and NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT GETTING CAUGHT!!! I AM part of THE SELF. I may awaken to TRUTH and not be disappointed. I may know who I AM.
Peace and Trust, Lynn
It seems my last entry was 4-2-08. What have my days been like until this day 4-15-08? I just do not know. Some upset but not terrible; although today, the plumber is coming to rip up my kitchen floor, to access a leak!!! I seem OK with this just being "what it is". I finally realize that worry or fret will not, by itself, repair the leak. Some believe that upset, followed by a desired result, does INDEED contribute to success. What about an undesirable outcome? Perhaps, they are inclined to believe they did not worry ENOUGH. Either way, I do not choose to believe that worry and upset contribute in any way.
I am choosing to hold in consciousness that I AM the dreamer ( the chess player ) moving the body (pieces) around. What does that really mean to me? Sally Anne and I talked yesterday and I seem to be able to access that thought, soooooooo why can I not believe it? Do I believe this? It seems I AM just becoming this thought. Previously, like all egos, I believed that a separate God was the "MOVER" of all things ( forms). Is is TRUE that each of us is REALLY the chooser - mover - decider of what takes place in our perceived environment? There is so much evidence to this TRUTH. For almost 20 years, I have heard this over and over. Why then, do I not believe this or know it to be TRUE? Because, it is suggested, I believe the outer experience as truth. And, having held the thought that a separate god is the chooser, that is what I experience. But the outer experience SEEMS LIKE IT COMES AGAINST MY WILL. I say " I would have it different - I would choose a different outcome", so, it must be ANOTHER that decides. In FACT, we are the dreamers of our experience!!! But, because we do not remember this, we dream ( and therefore experience) that our dreams are powerLESS. This keeps us in the cycle of experiencing that which we believe has been decided by ANOTHER.
Tolle is helping US SEE that we are the body and the consciousness that moves the body. Until we remember this, we believe ourself to be only the body. We believe that the circumstances of the body life are decided upon by this ANOTHER and that the ONLY power we have is to use the body to react. My introduction to this TRUTH was, of course, A Course in Miracles, which teaches that the ego is a dreamed form and that MY TRUE identy is not the form but the dreamer. I have become lost in the dream and have lost my way. I believe that I am separate from the dreamer, which I have made into this ANOTHER - or God. Yes, there is ONE who makes the situations to which I must react, but i am certainly not that ONE. So, this ANOTHER, must be a separate entity who has a different idea of what makes me happy. Religion tells us that this ANOTHER judges us based upon our reaction and even tells us what are the 'right' or correct reaction to have. You must suffer to tell the ANOTHER you are remorseful - for what? - being born into sin?. You are to give all your 'stuff' away - not under the TRUTH that you have all and are bound to feel JOYFUL when you give, but under the guise that if you give away that which you need and want, somehow you will be perceived by the ANOTHER as worthy to be in heaven. Something about all this sacrifice and lack gets you a closer seat in heaven. Each religion tells you " the way" to get "it" right.
Fortunately, i have not had a close association to religion. I have really not had much conscious thought about what ' I ' believe is the "right way" to react. My reactions have been based upon my immediate circumstances - people. In fact, i have spent my NOW trying to figure out how to outsmart my immediate circumstances and people. What am i saying? My ego has tried to outfox your ego - or to present with such a picture that will please your ego. I have wanted love but have not projected being loved. I have projected circumstances that require me to beg, manipulate and lie, for love. What does this tell me? I have not believed that i am lovable - what is to love, i ask myself? Nothing, so i will make up something - someone that can be loved. What do you love? I will be that !!! I do not give love, i steal love from 'you'. Why?, because I am not loveable, AS IS, so i must fool you into loving me. I have been so mistaken. So very, very mistaken.
Something inside me knows that my ego way is not TRUTH. Gratefully, i see the folly of ego. Gratefully, i see the strangness in the belief that God ( ANOTHER ) would create and then wonder which of those created will follow the rules. Does HE not know which are created which way? Is there some unknown variable of creation, even to GOD. Does the Creator of creation have a challenge? Did HE put this challenge into the equation for fun? Would HE play with this challenge at our expense? Is LOVE really LOVE or is God all about just himself and to hell with the ones with whom HE plays? Does HE just want to end up with the "yes" men? If that were HIS objective then why not create ALL that way in the beginning? Or, if you believe HE just enjoys the game of watching, then fear is appropriate!!!!!!!
Ego, I know that these questions feel very threatening. If I do not continue to believe in you then your existence is not. But that is OK - do not be afraid. I will take along with ME the every part of you. I will take your fear, your heartache, your lack, your confusion, your mistakes, your revenge, your rage and your love and give you TRUST, EVERYTHING, CLARITY, FORGIVENESS, COMFORT, PEACE, and LOVE! So, little ego, you may have - really HAVE all that you have wanted and NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT GETTING CAUGHT!!! I AM part of THE SELF. I may awaken to TRUTH and not be disappointed. I may know who I AM.
Peace and Trust, Lynn
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
trying to hard
Good morning God,
Am I just trying to hard? Again today, my ego is presenting with anxiety. I observe that the ego is anxious and perhaps, trying to re-identify in ME. I choose TRUTH. Am I looking to hard? Am I allowing ego to dictate? I observe that my anxiety increases as I get closer to TRUTH. ego, do not be afraid, God will take care of us. MYSELF has so identified with ego that even MYSELF has trouble realizing TRUTH. That is an ego statement - MYSELF has never lost TRUTH. This NOW, I AM. What problem do I have NOW? I do not have any problem NOW. Tolle describes problems as past and future. The moment of NOW frightens ego as there is no identification of ego in now. Again, i say to ego, do not be afraid. ALL that IS, IS with us right NOW. Jesus, I ask that YOU stand in for my ego today. My sense of separation frightens me and i am sure that i do not know what i am doing. I choose PEACE. I feel better. My ego struggles with this. A war rages inside. I allow Jesus to help ME return to TRUTH - i cannot do this myself. ego wants to guide - ego is afraid - ego does not want to die - I love you ego - it is ok to remember - you may go with ME - I shall not forsake you - Jesus IS with us - the Christ in US can remember TRUTH - we will both like it - you may come with ME - you will not die but really live - you may be at PEACE - you may feel JOY - you do not need to feed upon death - you may feed upon LIFE - you may like it, too - it is ok - you are loved too - no one is going to get you- little ego, you have been so afraid, you never need be afriad again - you ARE part of ME - I love you - WE need never be afraid again -I love you - it is ok - TRUST in Jesus to show us TRUTH - you will like it, not die. Jesus, thank you for that, please stay with me and help my ego understand that LOVE is for ALL, even afraid little egos. ego feels less afraid, thanks.
Am I just trying to hard? Again today, my ego is presenting with anxiety. I observe that the ego is anxious and perhaps, trying to re-identify in ME. I choose TRUTH. Am I looking to hard? Am I allowing ego to dictate? I observe that my anxiety increases as I get closer to TRUTH. ego, do not be afraid, God will take care of us. MYSELF has so identified with ego that even MYSELF has trouble realizing TRUTH. That is an ego statement - MYSELF has never lost TRUTH. This NOW, I AM. What problem do I have NOW? I do not have any problem NOW. Tolle describes problems as past and future. The moment of NOW frightens ego as there is no identification of ego in now. Again, i say to ego, do not be afraid. ALL that IS, IS with us right NOW. Jesus, I ask that YOU stand in for my ego today. My sense of separation frightens me and i am sure that i do not know what i am doing. I choose PEACE. I feel better. My ego struggles with this. A war rages inside. I allow Jesus to help ME return to TRUTH - i cannot do this myself. ego wants to guide - ego is afraid - ego does not want to die - I love you ego - it is ok to remember - you may go with ME - I shall not forsake you - Jesus IS with us - the Christ in US can remember TRUTH - we will both like it - you may come with ME - you will not die but really live - you may be at PEACE - you may feel JOY - you do not need to feed upon death - you may feed upon LIFE - you may like it, too - it is ok - you are loved too - no one is going to get you- little ego, you have been so afraid, you never need be afriad again - you ARE part of ME - I love you - WE need never be afraid again -I love you - it is ok - TRUST in Jesus to show us TRUTH - you will like it, not die. Jesus, thank you for that, please stay with me and help my ego understand that LOVE is for ALL, even afraid little egos. ego feels less afraid, thanks.
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