Good morning,
I have not written since 7-7-08. During this time, much has occurred but nothing has happened. I have had many good to great experiences, all in the same frame work of a static life. I continue to look for a change but do not yet see this change. Strangely, and I say strangely because this has never happened before, I feel a sense of optimism. For a long period, I have known that I wanted freedom and choice. I stifled those desires due to lack of money to facilitate my freedom and choice. Instead, I tried to talk myself into wanting a paying job; any job that paid enough. As I pursued this path, I began to realize that I was not willing to "do" just anything and I became marginally selective in my pursuit. What I have experienced is a TOTAL lack of interest in me as an employee. Now, I do understand that this is due, in part, to my middle age, but with experience under my belt, the total lack of response is interesting. Also, I know that I would be an asset in many situations applied for but none of these opportunities truly interest me. Bottom line - I am not calling them forth into my experience.
So, I am mystified by my own optimism. Am I beginning to "let go" and allow the Universal Good to work in my life? I PRAY SO !!!!! I believe that the Universal God stands ready and eager to bring forth wonderful experience for each of us. I believe that what interferes is our own fear that this is not THE TRUTH. Because the fear interferes, we do not experience only desire which then strengthens the fear interference. A vicious cycle ensues. Extreme Trust is the only needed ingredient to break the vicious cycle. I am convinced that once broken and the gift of desire is experienced personally, all of life will be as God intended. This is the foundation of my optimism!!~
I am more motivated than ever to "let go". I am loosing my attachment to ego and believing more in the unseen. I pray that the vastness of the unseen is far more powerful that my minuscule ego, to which I have given incredible power. I ask! Thank you.
Peace to the world
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Monday, July 7, 2008
GETTING MY HOUSE IN ORDER
Goodmorning,
The mold mitigation is complete and this morning, I am putting my house back in order. Yes, this is a physical reorder of my physical house but is it also a spiritual reorder? I am aware that I have collected junk, in this house, and this has been a wonderful opportunity to "clean house". During this process, I have thought often that I am opening the way for a new spiritual - life - experience. Yes, out with the old ... but what the new is to be, I am unsure. I have believed that I had "to know" in order to attract. That is what I have heard and studied. The fact that I do not know keeps me frustrated. I am now opening myself to allowing the Universe to show me what will be. It is OK either way but I just want to know which is the case. I am becoming, somewhat, OK with uncertainty and feel I could truly embrace this if I thought it was productive. By productive I mean fulfilling or intriguing. I am not clear what I mean, actually. I seem to be OK with whatever comes - whatever direction life presents. I have held that belief that I had to have clarity in order to attract. I am still not sure if I hold that belief.
For now, I am in a good spot and grateful that my "house is in order".
Peace to the world
The mold mitigation is complete and this morning, I am putting my house back in order. Yes, this is a physical reorder of my physical house but is it also a spiritual reorder? I am aware that I have collected junk, in this house, and this has been a wonderful opportunity to "clean house". During this process, I have thought often that I am opening the way for a new spiritual - life - experience. Yes, out with the old ... but what the new is to be, I am unsure. I have believed that I had "to know" in order to attract. That is what I have heard and studied. The fact that I do not know keeps me frustrated. I am now opening myself to allowing the Universe to show me what will be. It is OK either way but I just want to know which is the case. I am becoming, somewhat, OK with uncertainty and feel I could truly embrace this if I thought it was productive. By productive I mean fulfilling or intriguing. I am not clear what I mean, actually. I seem to be OK with whatever comes - whatever direction life presents. I have held that belief that I had to have clarity in order to attract. I am still not sure if I hold that belief.
For now, I am in a good spot and grateful that my "house is in order".
Peace to the world
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
ANOTHER DETOUR
Goodmorning,
In the last post, I wrote about a new job. Indeed, I did go to this job for three (3) days. Two (2) situations seemed in place. First, I was becoming ill with allergies and respiratory infection and the job itself was unsatisfying. The respiratory issue was due to mold growing in our kitchen. Recently, we had a pipe leak under our kitchen floor. This was repaired and we thought no more about this. As I grew more and more reactive to allergy, I began to suspect mold, my most sensitive allergy. Indeed, this morning, a crew has uncovered this mold and mitigation will begin.
The job fell directly in the middle of this mold reaction and, at the time, I believed myself to fragile to go back to work. I discontinued my employment based upon two factors. One, the thought that I was ill and secondly that this job would be unsatisfying regardless. What I believed to be a challenging pursuit of funding, on behalf of cancer patients, turned out to be no more than order taking. The position required me to be tethered to a telephone and breaks and lunch were " on the clock" to the minute. I am just to old and have to much experience to enjoy this rigid experience.
So, I am now in the process of mold mitigation and back to the drawing board as it relates to employment. I am relieved to believe that I am NOT to fragile, physically, to work and will continue to look for something that is satisfying.
Tolle encourages all to be OK with uncertainty. To understand that life is a journey and not a predictable trip. Conceptually I understand and agree. Experiencially, I have yet to make that connection. I challenge myself to be OK with whatever comes up but what feels lacking in that is desire. I will ponder this aspect. For today, I am OK, even good. Today is all we have.
Peace to the world
In the last post, I wrote about a new job. Indeed, I did go to this job for three (3) days. Two (2) situations seemed in place. First, I was becoming ill with allergies and respiratory infection and the job itself was unsatisfying. The respiratory issue was due to mold growing in our kitchen. Recently, we had a pipe leak under our kitchen floor. This was repaired and we thought no more about this. As I grew more and more reactive to allergy, I began to suspect mold, my most sensitive allergy. Indeed, this morning, a crew has uncovered this mold and mitigation will begin.
The job fell directly in the middle of this mold reaction and, at the time, I believed myself to fragile to go back to work. I discontinued my employment based upon two factors. One, the thought that I was ill and secondly that this job would be unsatisfying regardless. What I believed to be a challenging pursuit of funding, on behalf of cancer patients, turned out to be no more than order taking. The position required me to be tethered to a telephone and breaks and lunch were " on the clock" to the minute. I am just to old and have to much experience to enjoy this rigid experience.
So, I am now in the process of mold mitigation and back to the drawing board as it relates to employment. I am relieved to believe that I am NOT to fragile, physically, to work and will continue to look for something that is satisfying.
Tolle encourages all to be OK with uncertainty. To understand that life is a journey and not a predictable trip. Conceptually I understand and agree. Experiencially, I have yet to make that connection. I challenge myself to be OK with whatever comes up but what feels lacking in that is desire. I will ponder this aspect. For today, I am OK, even good. Today is all we have.
Peace to the world
Monday, May 12, 2008
LIFE TAKES A DETOUR
Goodmorning,
It is another "beginning" for my journey. Having found an ad in the 5-4-08 newspaper for a job fair, being held by one company, I attended. Within 45 minutes, a job offer was presented. Now for months, I had sent out resumes with no response and within 45 minutes an offer was extended. I will be working in the healthcare field securing funding for RX for patients. This is a good fit for me.
I have mixed emotions about this detour. I worry that I will not be up to the task physically but I feel good. On the other side, I am bored and will enjoy the stimulation. I have committed myself to a positive attitude and will also monitor myself for signs of over work and resulting fatigue. There is anxiety present - but not necessarily 'bad' anxiety. It is difficult for me to distinguish between excitement and 'bad' anxiety - perhaps there is both.
I am not sure what this leg of my journey is for. The financial rewards will be nice but there is more to this for me. I will be working for the first time, with no other responsibilities ( ie Children). I do not have to give up much, at all, to move into this, so it will be a new experience. Lunch with friends will be limited, but that is OK. Naps, in the afternoon, might become an issue that I will have to consider. Perhaps I napped in boredom - perhaps in physical need. We will see.
I shall look at this as a new and wonderful adventure. I will meet new people and learn more of what makes us tick.
Peace to the world
It is another "beginning" for my journey. Having found an ad in the 5-4-08 newspaper for a job fair, being held by one company, I attended. Within 45 minutes, a job offer was presented. Now for months, I had sent out resumes with no response and within 45 minutes an offer was extended. I will be working in the healthcare field securing funding for RX for patients. This is a good fit for me.
I have mixed emotions about this detour. I worry that I will not be up to the task physically but I feel good. On the other side, I am bored and will enjoy the stimulation. I have committed myself to a positive attitude and will also monitor myself for signs of over work and resulting fatigue. There is anxiety present - but not necessarily 'bad' anxiety. It is difficult for me to distinguish between excitement and 'bad' anxiety - perhaps there is both.
I am not sure what this leg of my journey is for. The financial rewards will be nice but there is more to this for me. I will be working for the first time, with no other responsibilities ( ie Children). I do not have to give up much, at all, to move into this, so it will be a new experience. Lunch with friends will be limited, but that is OK. Naps, in the afternoon, might become an issue that I will have to consider. Perhaps I napped in boredom - perhaps in physical need. We will see.
I shall look at this as a new and wonderful adventure. I will meet new people and learn more of what makes us tick.
Peace to the world
Friday, May 2, 2008
UNDERSTANDING
Good morning,
Today, I AM understanding in some etheral way. Strange, I do not even really understand what I AM understanding. I seem to have thoughts that feel vague - just barely out of my mental reach. Perhaps, i am trying to understand when it is experience that calls to me. I AM allowing this process - whatever it is.
PEACE to the world
Today, I AM understanding in some etheral way. Strange, I do not even really understand what I AM understanding. I seem to have thoughts that feel vague - just barely out of my mental reach. Perhaps, i am trying to understand when it is experience that calls to me. I AM allowing this process - whatever it is.
PEACE to the world
Monday, April 21, 2008
TO LATE TO GO BACK TO SLEEP
Good morning God,
My thoughts over take me - ego. What I think actually causes what i experience. How very strange that we have forgotten this most central tool. In our sleep, we believe ourselves to be completely separate from the force that moves mountains; believing instead that an outside force makes the decisions of the world - to which, we can only respond!
So, what if we DO actually create our experiences first and then respond to them. Let me break this down. First, i project experience into the world for me TO experience. Then, i experience same. When i experience that which i have projected, i believe the experience to have been generated by some other. How is this even possible? How can i forget the projecting aspect of experience? As i experience moment by moment, how am i able to convince myself that i have no ownership in the creation/projection? What comes to mind immediately is that i often do not like or agree with what is before me. Actually, i never even stop to think if this is what I would choose in this moment because i do not understand my contribution. As i sleep, i do not believe that my evaluation would cause anything to be different - that experiences are just happening and my only power is how to respond to them. What feels strange about this is that i am awakening to the possibility that no ONE else causes my experiences but i seem stuck with old thoughts. Almost like I cannot break through the veil of sleep. I observe myself ( thoughts ) all over the place - this one contradicting that one. For example, i have wanted to win a lottery BUT i have not wanted to be known to have won. i have really wanted something else than a win but do not know what that is. The only way i can describe this is that i desire choice. Having equated choice with money, i think i want money. i am completely sure that money by itself is not the desire. The desire is the freedom that i believe money IS.
In my limited awareness, i have not challenged my mind. i have not thought "outside the box". How can i have enough food, without working? How can i buy spring flowers, without money? How do i fuel the car, without money? You see, i have fallen victim to myself. i have believed what i have projected - so much so that i am lost. i no longer enjoy ego revenge and ravage nor do i enjoy or feel protected by hiding. I am what I AM. I no longer seek to be hidden among those who would destroy me as i project them as the cause for my insanity. Jesus teaches in ACIM that we see one another as the cause of who we are. Surely, i have blamed as many people as i can for who i have become. And who is that? That is one who is angry at the world at large and feels that "it" ( world) has done me wrong. Hidding under that is the ego anger that god made a fool of us all. I cannot believe this any longer. I know to much now to go back to sleep. THANK GOD. If life had been as i thought - well i do not want to go there.
I know that I can remember. What will that be? What will truth look like? What does LOVE feel like? I TRUST that Christ is in me. I TRUST that Jesus teaches us all. What shall happen NOW? I just do not know
My thoughts over take me - ego. What I think actually causes what i experience. How very strange that we have forgotten this most central tool. In our sleep, we believe ourselves to be completely separate from the force that moves mountains; believing instead that an outside force makes the decisions of the world - to which, we can only respond!
So, what if we DO actually create our experiences first and then respond to them. Let me break this down. First, i project experience into the world for me TO experience. Then, i experience same. When i experience that which i have projected, i believe the experience to have been generated by some other. How is this even possible? How can i forget the projecting aspect of experience? As i experience moment by moment, how am i able to convince myself that i have no ownership in the creation/projection? What comes to mind immediately is that i often do not like or agree with what is before me. Actually, i never even stop to think if this is what I would choose in this moment because i do not understand my contribution. As i sleep, i do not believe that my evaluation would cause anything to be different - that experiences are just happening and my only power is how to respond to them. What feels strange about this is that i am awakening to the possibility that no ONE else causes my experiences but i seem stuck with old thoughts. Almost like I cannot break through the veil of sleep. I observe myself ( thoughts ) all over the place - this one contradicting that one. For example, i have wanted to win a lottery BUT i have not wanted to be known to have won. i have really wanted something else than a win but do not know what that is. The only way i can describe this is that i desire choice. Having equated choice with money, i think i want money. i am completely sure that money by itself is not the desire. The desire is the freedom that i believe money IS.
In my limited awareness, i have not challenged my mind. i have not thought "outside the box". How can i have enough food, without working? How can i buy spring flowers, without money? How do i fuel the car, without money? You see, i have fallen victim to myself. i have believed what i have projected - so much so that i am lost. i no longer enjoy ego revenge and ravage nor do i enjoy or feel protected by hiding. I am what I AM. I no longer seek to be hidden among those who would destroy me as i project them as the cause for my insanity. Jesus teaches in ACIM that we see one another as the cause of who we are. Surely, i have blamed as many people as i can for who i have become. And who is that? That is one who is angry at the world at large and feels that "it" ( world) has done me wrong. Hidding under that is the ego anger that god made a fool of us all. I cannot believe this any longer. I know to much now to go back to sleep. THANK GOD. If life had been as i thought - well i do not want to go there.
I know that I can remember. What will that be? What will truth look like? What does LOVE feel like? I TRUST that Christ is in me. I TRUST that Jesus teaches us all. What shall happen NOW? I just do not know
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
AWAKEN WITHOUT DISAPPOINTMENT
Good morning,
It seems my last entry was 4-2-08. What have my days been like until this day 4-15-08? I just do not know. Some upset but not terrible; although today, the plumber is coming to rip up my kitchen floor, to access a leak!!! I seem OK with this just being "what it is". I finally realize that worry or fret will not, by itself, repair the leak. Some believe that upset, followed by a desired result, does INDEED contribute to success. What about an undesirable outcome? Perhaps, they are inclined to believe they did not worry ENOUGH. Either way, I do not choose to believe that worry and upset contribute in any way.
I am choosing to hold in consciousness that I AM the dreamer ( the chess player ) moving the body (pieces) around. What does that really mean to me? Sally Anne and I talked yesterday and I seem to be able to access that thought, soooooooo why can I not believe it? Do I believe this? It seems I AM just becoming this thought. Previously, like all egos, I believed that a separate God was the "MOVER" of all things ( forms). Is is TRUE that each of us is REALLY the chooser - mover - decider of what takes place in our perceived environment? There is so much evidence to this TRUTH. For almost 20 years, I have heard this over and over. Why then, do I not believe this or know it to be TRUE? Because, it is suggested, I believe the outer experience as truth. And, having held the thought that a separate god is the chooser, that is what I experience. But the outer experience SEEMS LIKE IT COMES AGAINST MY WILL. I say " I would have it different - I would choose a different outcome", so, it must be ANOTHER that decides. In FACT, we are the dreamers of our experience!!! But, because we do not remember this, we dream ( and therefore experience) that our dreams are powerLESS. This keeps us in the cycle of experiencing that which we believe has been decided by ANOTHER.
Tolle is helping US SEE that we are the body and the consciousness that moves the body. Until we remember this, we believe ourself to be only the body. We believe that the circumstances of the body life are decided upon by this ANOTHER and that the ONLY power we have is to use the body to react. My introduction to this TRUTH was, of course, A Course in Miracles, which teaches that the ego is a dreamed form and that MY TRUE identy is not the form but the dreamer. I have become lost in the dream and have lost my way. I believe that I am separate from the dreamer, which I have made into this ANOTHER - or God. Yes, there is ONE who makes the situations to which I must react, but i am certainly not that ONE. So, this ANOTHER, must be a separate entity who has a different idea of what makes me happy. Religion tells us that this ANOTHER judges us based upon our reaction and even tells us what are the 'right' or correct reaction to have. You must suffer to tell the ANOTHER you are remorseful - for what? - being born into sin?. You are to give all your 'stuff' away - not under the TRUTH that you have all and are bound to feel JOYFUL when you give, but under the guise that if you give away that which you need and want, somehow you will be perceived by the ANOTHER as worthy to be in heaven. Something about all this sacrifice and lack gets you a closer seat in heaven. Each religion tells you " the way" to get "it" right.
Fortunately, i have not had a close association to religion. I have really not had much conscious thought about what ' I ' believe is the "right way" to react. My reactions have been based upon my immediate circumstances - people. In fact, i have spent my NOW trying to figure out how to outsmart my immediate circumstances and people. What am i saying? My ego has tried to outfox your ego - or to present with such a picture that will please your ego. I have wanted love but have not projected being loved. I have projected circumstances that require me to beg, manipulate and lie, for love. What does this tell me? I have not believed that i am lovable - what is to love, i ask myself? Nothing, so i will make up something - someone that can be loved. What do you love? I will be that !!! I do not give love, i steal love from 'you'. Why?, because I am not loveable, AS IS, so i must fool you into loving me. I have been so mistaken. So very, very mistaken.
Something inside me knows that my ego way is not TRUTH. Gratefully, i see the folly of ego. Gratefully, i see the strangness in the belief that God ( ANOTHER ) would create and then wonder which of those created will follow the rules. Does HE not know which are created which way? Is there some unknown variable of creation, even to GOD. Does the Creator of creation have a challenge? Did HE put this challenge into the equation for fun? Would HE play with this challenge at our expense? Is LOVE really LOVE or is God all about just himself and to hell with the ones with whom HE plays? Does HE just want to end up with the "yes" men? If that were HIS objective then why not create ALL that way in the beginning? Or, if you believe HE just enjoys the game of watching, then fear is appropriate!!!!!!!
Ego, I know that these questions feel very threatening. If I do not continue to believe in you then your existence is not. But that is OK - do not be afraid. I will take along with ME the every part of you. I will take your fear, your heartache, your lack, your confusion, your mistakes, your revenge, your rage and your love and give you TRUST, EVERYTHING, CLARITY, FORGIVENESS, COMFORT, PEACE, and LOVE! So, little ego, you may have - really HAVE all that you have wanted and NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT GETTING CAUGHT!!! I AM part of THE SELF. I may awaken to TRUTH and not be disappointed. I may know who I AM.
Peace and Trust, Lynn
It seems my last entry was 4-2-08. What have my days been like until this day 4-15-08? I just do not know. Some upset but not terrible; although today, the plumber is coming to rip up my kitchen floor, to access a leak!!! I seem OK with this just being "what it is". I finally realize that worry or fret will not, by itself, repair the leak. Some believe that upset, followed by a desired result, does INDEED contribute to success. What about an undesirable outcome? Perhaps, they are inclined to believe they did not worry ENOUGH. Either way, I do not choose to believe that worry and upset contribute in any way.
I am choosing to hold in consciousness that I AM the dreamer ( the chess player ) moving the body (pieces) around. What does that really mean to me? Sally Anne and I talked yesterday and I seem to be able to access that thought, soooooooo why can I not believe it? Do I believe this? It seems I AM just becoming this thought. Previously, like all egos, I believed that a separate God was the "MOVER" of all things ( forms). Is is TRUE that each of us is REALLY the chooser - mover - decider of what takes place in our perceived environment? There is so much evidence to this TRUTH. For almost 20 years, I have heard this over and over. Why then, do I not believe this or know it to be TRUE? Because, it is suggested, I believe the outer experience as truth. And, having held the thought that a separate god is the chooser, that is what I experience. But the outer experience SEEMS LIKE IT COMES AGAINST MY WILL. I say " I would have it different - I would choose a different outcome", so, it must be ANOTHER that decides. In FACT, we are the dreamers of our experience!!! But, because we do not remember this, we dream ( and therefore experience) that our dreams are powerLESS. This keeps us in the cycle of experiencing that which we believe has been decided by ANOTHER.
Tolle is helping US SEE that we are the body and the consciousness that moves the body. Until we remember this, we believe ourself to be only the body. We believe that the circumstances of the body life are decided upon by this ANOTHER and that the ONLY power we have is to use the body to react. My introduction to this TRUTH was, of course, A Course in Miracles, which teaches that the ego is a dreamed form and that MY TRUE identy is not the form but the dreamer. I have become lost in the dream and have lost my way. I believe that I am separate from the dreamer, which I have made into this ANOTHER - or God. Yes, there is ONE who makes the situations to which I must react, but i am certainly not that ONE. So, this ANOTHER, must be a separate entity who has a different idea of what makes me happy. Religion tells us that this ANOTHER judges us based upon our reaction and even tells us what are the 'right' or correct reaction to have. You must suffer to tell the ANOTHER you are remorseful - for what? - being born into sin?. You are to give all your 'stuff' away - not under the TRUTH that you have all and are bound to feel JOYFUL when you give, but under the guise that if you give away that which you need and want, somehow you will be perceived by the ANOTHER as worthy to be in heaven. Something about all this sacrifice and lack gets you a closer seat in heaven. Each religion tells you " the way" to get "it" right.
Fortunately, i have not had a close association to religion. I have really not had much conscious thought about what ' I ' believe is the "right way" to react. My reactions have been based upon my immediate circumstances - people. In fact, i have spent my NOW trying to figure out how to outsmart my immediate circumstances and people. What am i saying? My ego has tried to outfox your ego - or to present with such a picture that will please your ego. I have wanted love but have not projected being loved. I have projected circumstances that require me to beg, manipulate and lie, for love. What does this tell me? I have not believed that i am lovable - what is to love, i ask myself? Nothing, so i will make up something - someone that can be loved. What do you love? I will be that !!! I do not give love, i steal love from 'you'. Why?, because I am not loveable, AS IS, so i must fool you into loving me. I have been so mistaken. So very, very mistaken.
Something inside me knows that my ego way is not TRUTH. Gratefully, i see the folly of ego. Gratefully, i see the strangness in the belief that God ( ANOTHER ) would create and then wonder which of those created will follow the rules. Does HE not know which are created which way? Is there some unknown variable of creation, even to GOD. Does the Creator of creation have a challenge? Did HE put this challenge into the equation for fun? Would HE play with this challenge at our expense? Is LOVE really LOVE or is God all about just himself and to hell with the ones with whom HE plays? Does HE just want to end up with the "yes" men? If that were HIS objective then why not create ALL that way in the beginning? Or, if you believe HE just enjoys the game of watching, then fear is appropriate!!!!!!!
Ego, I know that these questions feel very threatening. If I do not continue to believe in you then your existence is not. But that is OK - do not be afraid. I will take along with ME the every part of you. I will take your fear, your heartache, your lack, your confusion, your mistakes, your revenge, your rage and your love and give you TRUST, EVERYTHING, CLARITY, FORGIVENESS, COMFORT, PEACE, and LOVE! So, little ego, you may have - really HAVE all that you have wanted and NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT GETTING CAUGHT!!! I AM part of THE SELF. I may awaken to TRUTH and not be disappointed. I may know who I AM.
Peace and Trust, Lynn
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
trying to hard
Good morning God,
Am I just trying to hard? Again today, my ego is presenting with anxiety. I observe that the ego is anxious and perhaps, trying to re-identify in ME. I choose TRUTH. Am I looking to hard? Am I allowing ego to dictate? I observe that my anxiety increases as I get closer to TRUTH. ego, do not be afraid, God will take care of us. MYSELF has so identified with ego that even MYSELF has trouble realizing TRUTH. That is an ego statement - MYSELF has never lost TRUTH. This NOW, I AM. What problem do I have NOW? I do not have any problem NOW. Tolle describes problems as past and future. The moment of NOW frightens ego as there is no identification of ego in now. Again, i say to ego, do not be afraid. ALL that IS, IS with us right NOW. Jesus, I ask that YOU stand in for my ego today. My sense of separation frightens me and i am sure that i do not know what i am doing. I choose PEACE. I feel better. My ego struggles with this. A war rages inside. I allow Jesus to help ME return to TRUTH - i cannot do this myself. ego wants to guide - ego is afraid - ego does not want to die - I love you ego - it is ok to remember - you may go with ME - I shall not forsake you - Jesus IS with us - the Christ in US can remember TRUTH - we will both like it - you may come with ME - you will not die but really live - you may be at PEACE - you may feel JOY - you do not need to feed upon death - you may feed upon LIFE - you may like it, too - it is ok - you are loved too - no one is going to get you- little ego, you have been so afraid, you never need be afriad again - you ARE part of ME - I love you - WE need never be afraid again -I love you - it is ok - TRUST in Jesus to show us TRUTH - you will like it, not die. Jesus, thank you for that, please stay with me and help my ego understand that LOVE is for ALL, even afraid little egos. ego feels less afraid, thanks.
Am I just trying to hard? Again today, my ego is presenting with anxiety. I observe that the ego is anxious and perhaps, trying to re-identify in ME. I choose TRUTH. Am I looking to hard? Am I allowing ego to dictate? I observe that my anxiety increases as I get closer to TRUTH. ego, do not be afraid, God will take care of us. MYSELF has so identified with ego that even MYSELF has trouble realizing TRUTH. That is an ego statement - MYSELF has never lost TRUTH. This NOW, I AM. What problem do I have NOW? I do not have any problem NOW. Tolle describes problems as past and future. The moment of NOW frightens ego as there is no identification of ego in now. Again, i say to ego, do not be afraid. ALL that IS, IS with us right NOW. Jesus, I ask that YOU stand in for my ego today. My sense of separation frightens me and i am sure that i do not know what i am doing. I choose PEACE. I feel better. My ego struggles with this. A war rages inside. I allow Jesus to help ME return to TRUTH - i cannot do this myself. ego wants to guide - ego is afraid - ego does not want to die - I love you ego - it is ok to remember - you may go with ME - I shall not forsake you - Jesus IS with us - the Christ in US can remember TRUTH - we will both like it - you may come with ME - you will not die but really live - you may be at PEACE - you may feel JOY - you do not need to feed upon death - you may feed upon LIFE - you may like it, too - it is ok - you are loved too - no one is going to get you- little ego, you have been so afraid, you never need be afriad again - you ARE part of ME - I love you - WE need never be afraid again -I love you - it is ok - TRUST in Jesus to show us TRUTH - you will like it, not die. Jesus, thank you for that, please stay with me and help my ego understand that LOVE is for ALL, even afraid little egos. ego feels less afraid, thanks.
Monday, March 31, 2008
untitled
Good morning God,
WE had a great weekend with the children. They are just wonderful people - all 5 different - but wonderful.
I do not have any thoughts today - having a bit of trouble with anxiety. As always, not sure what the source of this is but sure it is of ego. I AM still here and today choose to remember that I AM.
Peace to the world - Lynn
WE had a great weekend with the children. They are just wonderful people - all 5 different - but wonderful.
I do not have any thoughts today - having a bit of trouble with anxiety. As always, not sure what the source of this is but sure it is of ego. I AM still here and today choose to remember that I AM.
Peace to the world - Lynn
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Good morning God,
I continue to hold my ego self to NO OPINION. I most clearly see that i do not have any idea how or why things happen, as they appear, or how to change this. I am, above all, wanting to know mySELF in TRUTH. I have known only the ego perceptions and am so very grateful to now KNOW that there is a real SELF to get to know. At this time, I can only go on what has been taught to me - that is to go within. I still have not experienced this that is within but I have great faith that I AM there and can get to know ME. I know that Jesus teaches with LOVE, not ego, and would never lead any SELF to that which is impossible. Because I chose, so it shall be!!! I actually have a sense of real optimism for the first time. It all feels very vague to me right now, but a sense of something - someONE - is around me. I will continue to hold no opinion with any steadfastness.
Peace to ALL the world - Lynn
I continue to hold my ego self to NO OPINION. I most clearly see that i do not have any idea how or why things happen, as they appear, or how to change this. I am, above all, wanting to know mySELF in TRUTH. I have known only the ego perceptions and am so very grateful to now KNOW that there is a real SELF to get to know. At this time, I can only go on what has been taught to me - that is to go within. I still have not experienced this that is within but I have great faith that I AM there and can get to know ME. I know that Jesus teaches with LOVE, not ego, and would never lead any SELF to that which is impossible. Because I chose, so it shall be!!! I actually have a sense of real optimism for the first time. It all feels very vague to me right now, but a sense of something - someONE - is around me. I will continue to hold no opinion with any steadfastness.
Peace to ALL the world - Lynn
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
UNTITLED
Good morning GOD,
Today, I have no question or confusion. Today, I shall take each action for its own sake and continue to not have an opinion. My desires are different than opinions - ego takes my desires and puts judgements upon them ( they will not happen, they are not right, etc. ). Tolle teaches that I did not come TO the earth, I came FROM the earth. My physical sprang forth from the I AM and is an extension of ALL THAT IS. My physical could not exist without the I AM providing the consciousness. I shall remember today that I AM.
Peace to the world - Lynn
Today, I have no question or confusion. Today, I shall take each action for its own sake and continue to not have an opinion. My desires are different than opinions - ego takes my desires and puts judgements upon them ( they will not happen, they are not right, etc. ). Tolle teaches that I did not come TO the earth, I came FROM the earth. My physical sprang forth from the I AM and is an extension of ALL THAT IS. My physical could not exist without the I AM providing the consciousness. I shall remember today that I AM.
Peace to the world - Lynn
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Gaining Clarity about Just Asking
Goodmorning God,
Today, I have renewed hope. Why, because I have some clarity on what I desire. Of course, I continue to struggle with the "means" to facilitate this desire but I am becoming willing to ask for what I want.
This morning, I began allowing myself to really engage with the desire. I will elaborate later. It is the feeling that I get when I 'think through' this life scripted. This script feels energizing, wonderful and allows many possibilities for others' JOY. That part ( others JOY ) feels as important, if not more, than my own. Actually, others JOY is JOYful to me.
MY QUESTION TODAY IS: MAY I REALLY JUST ASK? IS THAT ALL WE EVER NEED DO?
The best I can come up with, today, is trying to have no opinion on this. To have an opinion is, for me, the same as ego doubt. It is this doubt that, I Pray, is the illusion of fear. We fear - or shall I say, I fear, because I have not believed : ask and ye shall be given. Why would Jesus and other teachers attempt to help us remember this if it were not true? They would not!! Their interest in our rememberence is not filled with ego. NoONE would choose to raise hope by promising the impossible. Love does not ' play meanly ' with Love. It is the question of whether God is the big bad wolf or the LOVING CREATOR. Ego has done such a thorough job of convincing the sleeping ONES that God judges based upon the ego self. ego has created GOD in its' image.
I AM a portion of GOD SELF. Why then, would the SELF not WANT SELF to enJOY all parts of the journey of life? It is like my physical saying the arms may be ok but one leg must suffer. For any part of myself to suffer , the whole suffers. And so it IS with LOVE. For any part of LOVE to fear, all feel fear. I will not believe that the struggles of physical life are visited upon us - period. These perceived struggles are a product of fear - fear that has NO BASES!!!! We do this to ourself - period. This fear produces nothing more than suffering and this suffering does not get us a better place in "heaven", as ego teaches.
Today, I ask for the means to facilitate my JOY dreams here in physical. Ask and ye shall receive - I need do nothing more!!!
Peace to the world. I choose only Peace and Love - Lynn
My Joy will be to create a company of real estate holdings and even a small community theater in St. Matthews, if others co-create in this JOY. I am a loving leader and will put JOY before money and ego. The players I hope to co-create with are Emery ( in whatever way He feels JOYful) Beau, Sally and Ted, Robbie ( in theater ) Chris, Doug, Ashley, and Jacob. Even Leigh and Libby may find JOY in the theater by serving desserts or full menu - to be determined by their JOY. Also, there may be a way for Katie to enJOY the theater as hostess or ???. I am very anxious to share this possibility with these SOULS. It will be the greatest wonder of my life. Jesus, please stay with me as I move into this. I ASK that you help me SEE where ego gets in the way of JOY. Please stand in for my ego - thank you. Love always, Lynn
PS - I am willing to do the leg work. Please show me what my part is.
Today, I have renewed hope. Why, because I have some clarity on what I desire. Of course, I continue to struggle with the "means" to facilitate this desire but I am becoming willing to ask for what I want.
This morning, I began allowing myself to really engage with the desire. I will elaborate later. It is the feeling that I get when I 'think through' this life scripted. This script feels energizing, wonderful and allows many possibilities for others' JOY. That part ( others JOY ) feels as important, if not more, than my own. Actually, others JOY is JOYful to me.
MY QUESTION TODAY IS: MAY I REALLY JUST ASK? IS THAT ALL WE EVER NEED DO?
The best I can come up with, today, is trying to have no opinion on this. To have an opinion is, for me, the same as ego doubt. It is this doubt that, I Pray, is the illusion of fear. We fear - or shall I say, I fear, because I have not believed : ask and ye shall be given. Why would Jesus and other teachers attempt to help us remember this if it were not true? They would not!! Their interest in our rememberence is not filled with ego. NoONE would choose to raise hope by promising the impossible. Love does not ' play meanly ' with Love. It is the question of whether God is the big bad wolf or the LOVING CREATOR. Ego has done such a thorough job of convincing the sleeping ONES that God judges based upon the ego self. ego has created GOD in its' image.
I AM a portion of GOD SELF. Why then, would the SELF not WANT SELF to enJOY all parts of the journey of life? It is like my physical saying the arms may be ok but one leg must suffer. For any part of myself to suffer , the whole suffers. And so it IS with LOVE. For any part of LOVE to fear, all feel fear. I will not believe that the struggles of physical life are visited upon us - period. These perceived struggles are a product of fear - fear that has NO BASES!!!! We do this to ourself - period. This fear produces nothing more than suffering and this suffering does not get us a better place in "heaven", as ego teaches.
Today, I ask for the means to facilitate my JOY dreams here in physical. Ask and ye shall receive - I need do nothing more!!!
Peace to the world. I choose only Peace and Love - Lynn
My Joy will be to create a company of real estate holdings and even a small community theater in St. Matthews, if others co-create in this JOY. I am a loving leader and will put JOY before money and ego. The players I hope to co-create with are Emery ( in whatever way He feels JOYful) Beau, Sally and Ted, Robbie ( in theater ) Chris, Doug, Ashley, and Jacob. Even Leigh and Libby may find JOY in the theater by serving desserts or full menu - to be determined by their JOY. Also, there may be a way for Katie to enJOY the theater as hostess or ???. I am very anxious to share this possibility with these SOULS. It will be the greatest wonder of my life. Jesus, please stay with me as I move into this. I ASK that you help me SEE where ego gets in the way of JOY. Please stand in for my ego - thank you. Love always, Lynn
PS - I am willing to do the leg work. Please show me what my part is.
Monday, March 24, 2008
my ego has failed me - THANK GOD!
Today is 3-24-08, the day after our 2nd earliest Easter, in history. What has occurred to me, is that I have NO basis for any opinion. As I watch my mind for thoughts, I do see that they are all over the place. Just as I observe a thought, almost immediately, I cancel that with a totally contrary thought. I have watched this for some time now and am sure that this is what my ego is doing to confuse me. Most of the contrary thoughts form from fear: like, oh that will not happen. I usually begin with a positive thought and cancel that out with the LACK of possibility. It seems as if my ego mind is searching for possibility but will NEVER settle on one. My reading makes me think that this is egos' survival technique. If nothing is possible with GOD, then I will continue to turn to ego for salvation. It is upon this dependency that my ego survives.
And what is my ego? Only the fear that I am separated from the God of possibility.
If I am no longer part of, connected to, actually AN I AM, then i have no power in the universe except what this little body can produce. I must work for food, lift only certain weight, move only as fast as my legs can move, etc. Now, we believe that Jesus did not have to work for food ( feeding 1,000's with one loaf of bread ) could lift and move mountains and move at the speed of thought. Is Jesus separate and different than us? Was HE given more power in the universe OR did He KNOW ( remember ) WHO HE IS. If, as I hope, He KNEW who He IS, then can all remember who WE ARE?( tenses used intentionally). Jesus teaches that we are ALL the same. He teaches that we can ALL remember WHO WE ARE. Do I just not believe Him? Actually, I guess I have disbelieved Him, and have believed what my ego shows me instead. Jesus and many other teachers, have taught, through the years, that we are God's, that All are One with the God I have believed separated me from HIMSELF. Yes, I believe that God separated me from HIM. MY QUESTION FOR TODAY: CAN THE BELIEF THAT GOD SEPARATED ME FROM HIM BE HEALED?
I have some faith that my belief that GOD separated me from Him may be incorrect and that this belief can be corrected, if asked. I do ask for this correction. Jesus teaches in the Course that I need do nothing. So, I just ask. The doing nothing is the hard part. For me right now, that seems to be NOT trying to 'think up' the answer myself, which is just an ego trick. I am trying to have no opinion, on as many things as possible, in order to do nothing. I have been overwhelmed by my own ego thoughts and hope that by not listening to them, when possible, the TRUTH can come through.
Doing nothing seems the greatest challenge, thus far. I want to have the answers because I am afraid that, if I don't come up with them, they will not come on their own - or be given. This is clearly a separated, ego belief. i must do it myself. I so clearly see that I have made up all the answers i have believed so far. My ego has NOT succeeded in its attempt to be right.
Peace to the world - Lynn
And what is my ego? Only the fear that I am separated from the God of possibility.
If I am no longer part of, connected to, actually AN I AM, then i have no power in the universe except what this little body can produce. I must work for food, lift only certain weight, move only as fast as my legs can move, etc. Now, we believe that Jesus did not have to work for food ( feeding 1,000's with one loaf of bread ) could lift and move mountains and move at the speed of thought. Is Jesus separate and different than us? Was HE given more power in the universe OR did He KNOW ( remember ) WHO HE IS. If, as I hope, He KNEW who He IS, then can all remember who WE ARE?( tenses used intentionally). Jesus teaches that we are ALL the same. He teaches that we can ALL remember WHO WE ARE. Do I just not believe Him? Actually, I guess I have disbelieved Him, and have believed what my ego shows me instead. Jesus and many other teachers, have taught, through the years, that we are God's, that All are One with the God I have believed separated me from HIMSELF. Yes, I believe that God separated me from HIM. MY QUESTION FOR TODAY: CAN THE BELIEF THAT GOD SEPARATED ME FROM HIM BE HEALED?
I have some faith that my belief that GOD separated me from Him may be incorrect and that this belief can be corrected, if asked. I do ask for this correction. Jesus teaches in the Course that I need do nothing. So, I just ask. The doing nothing is the hard part. For me right now, that seems to be NOT trying to 'think up' the answer myself, which is just an ego trick. I am trying to have no opinion, on as many things as possible, in order to do nothing. I have been overwhelmed by my own ego thoughts and hope that by not listening to them, when possible, the TRUTH can come through.
Doing nothing seems the greatest challenge, thus far. I want to have the answers because I am afraid that, if I don't come up with them, they will not come on their own - or be given. This is clearly a separated, ego belief. i must do it myself. I so clearly see that I have made up all the answers i have believed so far. My ego has NOT succeeded in its attempt to be right.
Peace to the world - Lynn
Friday, March 21, 2008
Selling the Gold
Good morning God. What is my question today? I shall entitle this day " selling the gold " as this is where my thoughts are. I deal daily with lack, in only one area - money. Actually, I have money and this is why I remain so confused about my constant projection of lack. I inherited a gold coin and, today, I have decided to sell this. It will be worth about $2,500.00, a good sum indeed, but will be used to pay bills. I am anxious about selling this but unsure why. Do I worry about future security? Perhaps but my bills are due now. Why do I not see this as a wonderful opportunity to see abundance. I have a bill and the universe has provided gold with which to pay this bill. As always, it reduces to fear - fear that I will not find a job - or will find one that I do not enJOY. I feel a little disappointed in myself that I hold this negative position but DO KNOW that in GOD'S universe, everything is perfect. Recently, I began smoking again and was very harsh on myself. But interestingly enough, I realized that when I smoke, I brush my teeth more often. Now, does that justify smoking? But what if the universe knew that I was encountering dangerous bacteria and, knowing that I do NOT choose illness ( contrary to what smoking might insinuate )I was lead back to s0mething that would KEEP me healthy. The smoking ACTUALY causes me to keep my mouth cleaner!! Of course, I do not know about this and ego tells me that this is justification for addiction but WHAT IF - IJDNK. There are other questions in my mind like this one; other situations i perceive to be negative but are actually facilitating my choices.
If we experience our thoughts then we, again, must look at what we are thinking. I KNOW I choose health and feel healthy!! So, what about "selling the gold". I do feel lacking money but COULD actually feel comfortable - so what gives? I am asking that question of myself - what does give. Can I look at the coin with gratitue? Can I think of my Mother and thank her for saving this coin for me to use at this very moment. My guess is that from her non-physical perspective, she is saying " sell the coin, it is only money, use it NOW " She has experienced the pleasure of not needing money in non-physical. I truly assume that all in non-physical regret that they worried, or feared, or hoarded or maintained any posture but love and the present moment. In our unconsciousness, we give so much importance to things and physical experience. For me, right now, it is all about being the chooser of my own experience. I do not want to make any choices based upon money but find myself making, almost, all of my choices base upon this. I have taken back my power ( of love ) in so many areas - why not this. Money seems to have such power over me. Is this because I have this sense of not being enough? If I am not enough then I assume I will not have enough? I have a wonderful spouse, fantastic children, remarkable friends and neighbors. In all of my life I am so very, very grateful and happy. This one area of money is still my teacher. So, Lynn, let it teach you.
I ask that The Holy Spirit look upon this issue with me. Clearly, my way of trying to change this attitude IS NOT WORKING. I am struggling for more to write so I will close with my question:
WILL THE LIGHT OF TRUTH SHINE AWAY THE UNWANTED, IF ASKED?
Peace and Love to the world of GODS - Lynn
If we experience our thoughts then we, again, must look at what we are thinking. I KNOW I choose health and feel healthy!! So, what about "selling the gold". I do feel lacking money but COULD actually feel comfortable - so what gives? I am asking that question of myself - what does give. Can I look at the coin with gratitue? Can I think of my Mother and thank her for saving this coin for me to use at this very moment. My guess is that from her non-physical perspective, she is saying " sell the coin, it is only money, use it NOW " She has experienced the pleasure of not needing money in non-physical. I truly assume that all in non-physical regret that they worried, or feared, or hoarded or maintained any posture but love and the present moment. In our unconsciousness, we give so much importance to things and physical experience. For me, right now, it is all about being the chooser of my own experience. I do not want to make any choices based upon money but find myself making, almost, all of my choices base upon this. I have taken back my power ( of love ) in so many areas - why not this. Money seems to have such power over me. Is this because I have this sense of not being enough? If I am not enough then I assume I will not have enough? I have a wonderful spouse, fantastic children, remarkable friends and neighbors. In all of my life I am so very, very grateful and happy. This one area of money is still my teacher. So, Lynn, let it teach you.
I ask that The Holy Spirit look upon this issue with me. Clearly, my way of trying to change this attitude IS NOT WORKING. I am struggling for more to write so I will close with my question:
WILL THE LIGHT OF TRUTH SHINE AWAY THE UNWANTED, IF ASKED?
Peace and Love to the world of GODS - Lynn
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Conversation with GOD- accepting unwanted contrast
Good Morning,
Today is the first day of Spring here on earth ( 2008 ). First, I would like to tell you that I do KNOW one thing; that I do not like to be pressured to arrive anywhere, day after day, at a designated time. I have been "practicing" to go back to work by requiring myself to dress and be at this computer by 8:00a.m.est. And, I actually like being ready for my day at this time, I just do not choose to go to a workplace and perform meaningless activity. Yes, perhaps if I understand what 'job' brings me JOY, I would be more motivated. But that has not YET presented itself.
My question today is: in order to participate in physical must we just accept the unwanted contrasts?
I do understand that weekends probably hold more excitement when we work daily - the reprieve we feel is good. But if more of my time is spent NOT enJOYing my life, then is the trade off worth it? Each must decide this for Self. My spouse truly is enhanced by his work - never minding the travel to his work at a very early hour. I am, indeed, happy for him, as this was not always the case. For me, God, I do not feel enhanced by doing repetitive work, even if society tells me that it is important work. There must be a place for everyone to experience their JOY - I choose to find mine. Admittedly, I have put this all on my own ego shoulders - it just seems that we cannot, should not, ask YOU for help in this mundane area. Like many, I have prayed for a windfall - lottery mostly - to free me, but that has not happened for me. My ego continues to tell me that YOU will not be involved in such things. That YOU gave us certain abilities and that we are to use them - not whine to YOU for help.
Yesterday, I visited several other blog sites and read that one person had decided to make each action for its own sake. A curious concept, to me, as I have mostly engaged in all my actions to get to the next and the next and the next, etc. Or I have engaged in action soley to produce a result ( money ) and not for the action itself. Perhaps, this is why I have not enJOYed my actions. Curious!?! One would think that I could enJOY the action because it produced a desired result, but this has not been the case for me.
I just had a wonderful conversation with my Daughter ( also God). We talked about ego life as being like a Soap Opera and that we each play a role. I completely grasp this concept but have been asleep to the possibility that I AM writing the lines to be said. WOW A Course in Miracles teaches that "we are never upset for the reason we think". Of course this is true, because I have thought some other wrote my script and I did not like it. Abraham is baffled by our unconsciousness. In the Abraham-Hicks series, Abraham states " there is no need to try, just do it". Abraham is completely awake and KNOWS that we write our own scripts - why not write it the way you want it to be - not write a script based upon unconsciousness and then fight against. WHAT WE RESIST PERSISTS. That surely is because we continue to write our script with the thoughts of that being resisted!!! AH-HA as Oprah exclaims !!!
What script have I been writing with my unconscious ego thoughts? First, I must state that I DID believe that THE I AM wrote my script - everyones script- but I had not awakened to the possibility that each of us is AN I AM writing our own adventure. This seems a most important distinction for me !!!! I choose to really understand and internalize this distinction. How can each of us BE AN I AM? The teaching of the ego world is to separate God into ONE entity and further separate that entity into only one entity. There is only one entity that has the power and that is God. Sure, it appears that God gave Jesus, and others, some special authority but those were special cases. Why Jesus? We are not really sure. Many religions attempt to explain the unexplainable reason for this - keeping us more confused about God. What is His criteria for giving? We all keep asking - seemingly not receiving - and continue to seek for the exact combination that will please Him and He will give to us. If I can just 'do it right', I will be given happiness by God. Why? because He will be pleased with me and want to give me what I want. What an ego we assign to God!!!! Again, A Course in Miracles addresses this very concept. The Course teaches that God DOES NOT have an ego to be pleased. That ego assignment to God, is a trick of the sleeping mind. That as we sleep, and believe we are these bodies, with these ego thoughts, we are not able to remember that each of us is AN I AM, a portion of that consciousness to whom we pray for gifts. We say, if I could I would have already - so it must be that another holds the power. But, what if we should AND COULD pray to ourselves? Ego tells us that this would be false pride, arrogant and that we would destroy each other. If we could instantly manifest, we would kill thoses at whom we are angry or steal from thoses who have what we want. That is the reason that the power remains with God. We would just not use it right. But don't we do that now? We kill and steal. Why, because we feel powerless. Wouldn't we be less likely to kill and steal if we knew that everyone could make their own experience? What if another doesn't want to do what my script dictates for them? What if their script does not include me and I want to be included? Abraham explains that we will just naturally attract thoses that think as we do. So, if our desire IS to attract thoses who do not think as we do, we would attract thoses who also choose to interact with ones who do not choose to think like them. It is the perfection of God's Universe - OUR Universe!!! Could it really have been set up any better?
What am I keeping my thoughts upon? It is with these thoughts that I write the script for my role. These thoughts decide what I will experience " on stage ". i keep 'thinking' that i must get a job. As a result, i keep trying to find that job that i must get. i keep thinking that i do not have enough. As a result, i keep not having enough. Put like that, in context with the above, it makes perfect sense!! I get what i am thinking about whether i want it or not. i have just been dead asleep to the Truth that my thoughts cause my life. So how do I change my thoughts and have new, more desired, experiences? For me, the first step is to define what is desired. I cannot hold my thoughts upon that which has not been defined, now can I? Seems I have gone about this by process of elimination. I work to decipher what I don't want. Seems a long road to abundance. For years, I have tried every way i can think about to 'win the lottery'. I really do not even want a big lottery -I do not buy tickets for large prizes. What I have identified is a desire to be the chooser in my life. Yes, that is it. But I always keep writing a small blockade into my script. Something small that just keeps the role of chooser a few feet away. I observe my thoughts giving my spouse a lot of power over my choices. What if? What if 'he - spouse' does not think i am doing my part? What is my part? Why is what I want not enough - there is that word 'enough' again. Do i not think i am enough - just my being. Am i not kind enough, caring enough, etc.? Yes, i do feel that I am kind and caring - and I like to care and be kind. I get no JOY in harming another in any way. So, what is not enough? Perhaps, 'he' is not enough, too, and i must make up for what i perceive he lacks. Wouldn't "not enough" attract "not enough" and , by the way, also produce children who also suffer from being "not enough". Do i really feel i am not enough and attract this into my life? Yes, this may be VERY true. And further, i see that i may have taken on the responsibility of compensating for the lack i perceive in others. I observe that i seem to over inflate my abilities for ego preservation. That i have engaged in a self destructive pattern of presenting myself a being far more capable than i believe i am. If i can convince others that i am smart then, at least, they will think i am enough. And the burden that i place upon myself in this endeavor, leads me into a place of stress and ego pride - false pride for sure. That is how i have continued to sabatoge my own awakening!! I continue to hide, from myself, my own sense of not being enough. If i were to look at that then, seemingly, my entire life would fall apart. So, i keep it hidden from thought and, not knowing what is hidden, continue to replicate my thoughts and behaviors. I keep thinking the same things over and over, getting the same results - GO FIGURE! A few years ago, i had a life threatening illness. Strangely, during that time, I felt at peace. That may be due to my not having any expectations placed upon me; either by others or by self. I felt free, in a way, for the first time in my life. And now I realize that I work so hard to demonstrate my competency only to understand that this false competency keep me in prison. Now what?
As I close today, God, I thank GRACE for these insights. I choose to look at my hidden false perceptions and bring them into the light. I choose to KNOW that ALL are God, that ALL are perfect regardless of the role they write. This perfection includes ME. I do not want my false pride as it no longer serves me. I thank ego for showing me this, as perhaps I would always have wondered if 'being better than another' might serve me. I do know that superiority or inferiority are not what I want. I want an experience of JOY that includes other perfect I AMs. If I see lack in another, it is because i still perceive lack in me. My ego history tells me that when i experience lack, i will ramp up in the performance department. I look at this with the Holy Spirit, IN ME, and ask that this perception of lack be bathed in the light of Truth.
Much love to the world, Lynn
Today is the first day of Spring here on earth ( 2008 ). First, I would like to tell you that I do KNOW one thing; that I do not like to be pressured to arrive anywhere, day after day, at a designated time. I have been "practicing" to go back to work by requiring myself to dress and be at this computer by 8:00a.m.est. And, I actually like being ready for my day at this time, I just do not choose to go to a workplace and perform meaningless activity. Yes, perhaps if I understand what 'job' brings me JOY, I would be more motivated. But that has not YET presented itself.
My question today is: in order to participate in physical must we just accept the unwanted contrasts?
I do understand that weekends probably hold more excitement when we work daily - the reprieve we feel is good. But if more of my time is spent NOT enJOYing my life, then is the trade off worth it? Each must decide this for Self. My spouse truly is enhanced by his work - never minding the travel to his work at a very early hour. I am, indeed, happy for him, as this was not always the case. For me, God, I do not feel enhanced by doing repetitive work, even if society tells me that it is important work. There must be a place for everyone to experience their JOY - I choose to find mine. Admittedly, I have put this all on my own ego shoulders - it just seems that we cannot, should not, ask YOU for help in this mundane area. Like many, I have prayed for a windfall - lottery mostly - to free me, but that has not happened for me. My ego continues to tell me that YOU will not be involved in such things. That YOU gave us certain abilities and that we are to use them - not whine to YOU for help.
Yesterday, I visited several other blog sites and read that one person had decided to make each action for its own sake. A curious concept, to me, as I have mostly engaged in all my actions to get to the next and the next and the next, etc. Or I have engaged in action soley to produce a result ( money ) and not for the action itself. Perhaps, this is why I have not enJOYed my actions. Curious!?! One would think that I could enJOY the action because it produced a desired result, but this has not been the case for me.
I just had a wonderful conversation with my Daughter ( also God). We talked about ego life as being like a Soap Opera and that we each play a role. I completely grasp this concept but have been asleep to the possibility that I AM writing the lines to be said. WOW A Course in Miracles teaches that "we are never upset for the reason we think". Of course this is true, because I have thought some other wrote my script and I did not like it. Abraham is baffled by our unconsciousness. In the Abraham-Hicks series, Abraham states " there is no need to try, just do it". Abraham is completely awake and KNOWS that we write our own scripts - why not write it the way you want it to be - not write a script based upon unconsciousness and then fight against. WHAT WE RESIST PERSISTS. That surely is because we continue to write our script with the thoughts of that being resisted!!! AH-HA as Oprah exclaims !!!
What script have I been writing with my unconscious ego thoughts? First, I must state that I DID believe that THE I AM wrote my script - everyones script- but I had not awakened to the possibility that each of us is AN I AM writing our own adventure. This seems a most important distinction for me !!!! I choose to really understand and internalize this distinction. How can each of us BE AN I AM? The teaching of the ego world is to separate God into ONE entity and further separate that entity into only one entity. There is only one entity that has the power and that is God. Sure, it appears that God gave Jesus, and others, some special authority but those were special cases. Why Jesus? We are not really sure. Many religions attempt to explain the unexplainable reason for this - keeping us more confused about God. What is His criteria for giving? We all keep asking - seemingly not receiving - and continue to seek for the exact combination that will please Him and He will give to us. If I can just 'do it right', I will be given happiness by God. Why? because He will be pleased with me and want to give me what I want. What an ego we assign to God!!!! Again, A Course in Miracles addresses this very concept. The Course teaches that God DOES NOT have an ego to be pleased. That ego assignment to God, is a trick of the sleeping mind. That as we sleep, and believe we are these bodies, with these ego thoughts, we are not able to remember that each of us is AN I AM, a portion of that consciousness to whom we pray for gifts. We say, if I could I would have already - so it must be that another holds the power. But, what if we should AND COULD pray to ourselves? Ego tells us that this would be false pride, arrogant and that we would destroy each other. If we could instantly manifest, we would kill thoses at whom we are angry or steal from thoses who have what we want. That is the reason that the power remains with God. We would just not use it right. But don't we do that now? We kill and steal. Why, because we feel powerless. Wouldn't we be less likely to kill and steal if we knew that everyone could make their own experience? What if another doesn't want to do what my script dictates for them? What if their script does not include me and I want to be included? Abraham explains that we will just naturally attract thoses that think as we do. So, if our desire IS to attract thoses who do not think as we do, we would attract thoses who also choose to interact with ones who do not choose to think like them. It is the perfection of God's Universe - OUR Universe!!! Could it really have been set up any better?
What am I keeping my thoughts upon? It is with these thoughts that I write the script for my role. These thoughts decide what I will experience " on stage ". i keep 'thinking' that i must get a job. As a result, i keep trying to find that job that i must get. i keep thinking that i do not have enough. As a result, i keep not having enough. Put like that, in context with the above, it makes perfect sense!! I get what i am thinking about whether i want it or not. i have just been dead asleep to the Truth that my thoughts cause my life. So how do I change my thoughts and have new, more desired, experiences? For me, the first step is to define what is desired. I cannot hold my thoughts upon that which has not been defined, now can I? Seems I have gone about this by process of elimination. I work to decipher what I don't want. Seems a long road to abundance. For years, I have tried every way i can think about to 'win the lottery'. I really do not even want a big lottery -I do not buy tickets for large prizes. What I have identified is a desire to be the chooser in my life. Yes, that is it. But I always keep writing a small blockade into my script. Something small that just keeps the role of chooser a few feet away. I observe my thoughts giving my spouse a lot of power over my choices. What if? What if 'he - spouse' does not think i am doing my part? What is my part? Why is what I want not enough - there is that word 'enough' again. Do i not think i am enough - just my being. Am i not kind enough, caring enough, etc.? Yes, i do feel that I am kind and caring - and I like to care and be kind. I get no JOY in harming another in any way. So, what is not enough? Perhaps, 'he' is not enough, too, and i must make up for what i perceive he lacks. Wouldn't "not enough" attract "not enough" and , by the way, also produce children who also suffer from being "not enough". Do i really feel i am not enough and attract this into my life? Yes, this may be VERY true. And further, i see that i may have taken on the responsibility of compensating for the lack i perceive in others. I observe that i seem to over inflate my abilities for ego preservation. That i have engaged in a self destructive pattern of presenting myself a being far more capable than i believe i am. If i can convince others that i am smart then, at least, they will think i am enough. And the burden that i place upon myself in this endeavor, leads me into a place of stress and ego pride - false pride for sure. That is how i have continued to sabatoge my own awakening!! I continue to hide, from myself, my own sense of not being enough. If i were to look at that then, seemingly, my entire life would fall apart. So, i keep it hidden from thought and, not knowing what is hidden, continue to replicate my thoughts and behaviors. I keep thinking the same things over and over, getting the same results - GO FIGURE! A few years ago, i had a life threatening illness. Strangely, during that time, I felt at peace. That may be due to my not having any expectations placed upon me; either by others or by self. I felt free, in a way, for the first time in my life. And now I realize that I work so hard to demonstrate my competency only to understand that this false competency keep me in prison. Now what?
As I close today, God, I thank GRACE for these insights. I choose to look at my hidden false perceptions and bring them into the light. I choose to KNOW that ALL are God, that ALL are perfect regardless of the role they write. This perfection includes ME. I do not want my false pride as it no longer serves me. I thank ego for showing me this, as perhaps I would always have wondered if 'being better than another' might serve me. I do know that superiority or inferiority are not what I want. I want an experience of JOY that includes other perfect I AMs. If I see lack in another, it is because i still perceive lack in me. My ego history tells me that when i experience lack, i will ramp up in the performance department. I look at this with the Holy Spirit, IN ME, and ask that this perception of lack be bathed in the light of Truth.
Much love to the world, Lynn
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Greetings - my first blog
Hello to anyone this blog attracts. Like many of you, I am not sure why I am blogging, but I seem called; whatever that means. As my title suggests, I Just do not Know !!! I do know factual details - I would consider myself the typical ...'master of none' type of person. For 20 years, I have been on a spiritual search ( my exhaustive reading list will probably come out eventually )and find myself still, JUST NOT KNOWING??? I have many, perhaps thousands, of concepts in my head but seem unable to translate those into experience. Perhaps it is the buzz of all of these concepts that keeps me from knowing them. To many????
I would like to begin sharing these thoughts. Will they just float into nothingness or will they become more meaningful to me ? IJDNK ( i just do not know ) Soooooooooo - my question today is this: If the I AM that I AM is the field of consciousness that holds my body and form, is there really any limitation placed on the form by the I AM? You know, truthfull, I do not even know what that means. I feel limited and I guess, I am asking, hoping, praying, all of these, that I can find a way to understand how to ....... what? be free? A little history.
I began my internal search to find myself. Corny, I know, but true. I had been for all my years what I call a reactive person. As a result, I had great capacity to know what 'you' wanted but no capacity to know what I wanted. My first desire was to know what I wanted - what do I like? Interestingly enough, with that question came my first exposure to spiritual thought. I was drawn to A COURSE IN MIRACLES. And I mean drawn to this book. It was almost like I could not NOT read it. And, in my first 200 readings of this material, I had no idea, WHAT SO EVER, OF WHAT IT WAS SAYING!!! I had no personal point of reference for this - no background of spiritual thought ( right or wrong ) or no religous thought - no idea what I thought about God - if there was one or if 'he' was nice or mean. But, I knew, without a doubt, that this was something that I craved. Yes, it was a craving of some part of me that I cannot explain. But, the desire to know this aspect of me has been so strong that my search became the "what I like" answer.
Truly, I have been all over the place with this search. My goal has been to manifest a cookie right out of thin air !!!! Then, of course, when I do not produce said cookie, I begin to question everything I have ever tried to learn and find myself right back at I JUST DO NOT KNOW !!!
A lot of my searching has been to try and find abundance ( really money ) doing something that makes me happy. My professional history is in sales - which I hate - but am so good at BECAUSE I have spent my life learning how to know what 'you' want. Now, I refuse to tick off my minutes doing what I hate and, as a result, find myself happy but without money. Before, I was unhappy but had money. This is the basis for the above question. IJDNK what I would enjoy doing because I look for "means of employment" - you know, to pay the bills. Maybe, I have been attracted to this blog because someone will write me back and tell me what that job of joy is.
I am excited to think that someone, other than myself, might be drawn to this writing. I will attempt to continue to post my questions of life. I would love to hear from you and to know what you know.
Thank you for visiting,
Lynn
I would like to begin sharing these thoughts. Will they just float into nothingness or will they become more meaningful to me ? IJDNK ( i just do not know ) Soooooooooo - my question today is this: If the I AM that I AM is the field of consciousness that holds my body and form, is there really any limitation placed on the form by the I AM? You know, truthfull, I do not even know what that means. I feel limited and I guess, I am asking, hoping, praying, all of these, that I can find a way to understand how to ....... what? be free? A little history.
I began my internal search to find myself. Corny, I know, but true. I had been for all my years what I call a reactive person. As a result, I had great capacity to know what 'you' wanted but no capacity to know what I wanted. My first desire was to know what I wanted - what do I like? Interestingly enough, with that question came my first exposure to spiritual thought. I was drawn to A COURSE IN MIRACLES. And I mean drawn to this book. It was almost like I could not NOT read it. And, in my first 200 readings of this material, I had no idea, WHAT SO EVER, OF WHAT IT WAS SAYING!!! I had no personal point of reference for this - no background of spiritual thought ( right or wrong ) or no religous thought - no idea what I thought about God - if there was one or if 'he' was nice or mean. But, I knew, without a doubt, that this was something that I craved. Yes, it was a craving of some part of me that I cannot explain. But, the desire to know this aspect of me has been so strong that my search became the "what I like" answer.
Truly, I have been all over the place with this search. My goal has been to manifest a cookie right out of thin air !!!! Then, of course, when I do not produce said cookie, I begin to question everything I have ever tried to learn and find myself right back at I JUST DO NOT KNOW !!!
A lot of my searching has been to try and find abundance ( really money ) doing something that makes me happy. My professional history is in sales - which I hate - but am so good at BECAUSE I have spent my life learning how to know what 'you' want. Now, I refuse to tick off my minutes doing what I hate and, as a result, find myself happy but without money. Before, I was unhappy but had money. This is the basis for the above question. IJDNK what I would enjoy doing because I look for "means of employment" - you know, to pay the bills. Maybe, I have been attracted to this blog because someone will write me back and tell me what that job of joy is.
I am excited to think that someone, other than myself, might be drawn to this writing. I will attempt to continue to post my questions of life. I would love to hear from you and to know what you know.
Thank you for visiting,
Lynn
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